She doesn’t know which way to go. She sees a Cheshire cat out on the limb of an oak tree. “Which way should I go from here?” Alice asked. “Well, that depends a great deal on where you would like to get to,” the cat replied. “Oh, I don’t much care where I get to,” said Alice. “Well, then, it doesn’t make much difference which path you take,” the cat said.

Pretty smart cat, don’t you think? It not only talked but its words were wise.

You and I are constantly coming to the forks in the road of our work and lives. Should we accept our counterpart’s offer or not? Should we go with this supplier over the other suppliers? “Should I leave my current job to take advantage of a dot.com opportunity?” “Should I ask for a raise now or wait three months?” “It looks like a deal too good to be true—is it, and if so shouldn’t I take it?”

Yogi Berra, the famous Yankee baseball catcher from the late 40s to the early 60s  (and who incidentally threw out the first ball in the 2000 World Series) had some advice on when one comes to the fork in the road. His advice was, “Take it.” Not too helpful, is he?

The student asked the teacher, “Teacher, when I come to the fork in the road, how do I know which road to take?” The teacher remarked, “You do not always know which road to take, but whatever road you take, travel it well, travel it wisely, and by all means enjoy.”

Isn’t that so true. In negotiating, we are never quite know for sure where the negotiated road will take us. We do know whatever road we take it is important to travel it well, wisely, and enjoy it as much as we can.

Keep in mind what your purpose and your intentions are as you negotiate and travel down the paths of your life.

All roads lead to somewhere. Are you on the right road? 

Don’t wobble.

Keep flying and soaring.

I was at a New York Conference and found myself sitting next to Lucie Arnaz- an actress, singer ,dancer ,producer and daughter of Lucille Ball  and Desi Arnaz of I Love Lucy TV show.

At the break in the session I turned to Lucie Arnaz and remarked that one of my Hollywood High School classmates, the world famous comedian Carol Burnett  had said something  incredibly complimentary  about her mother that I have never forgotten

I told her that Carol Burnett remarked that in real life, Lucy was so different from her public persona  on the “I Love Lucy Show”.  Carol said’ “Whenever I talked to Lucy, she became my best audience.”

She was saying that Lucy truly listened, cared, empathized and actively was there for Carol.

I thought to myself- Oh wow. For how many people ,friends, family, colleagues, negotiating partners and others am I their best audience?

What might happen in the next time when we are with someone and we truly become  their best audience?

Always good to hear from you and I always respond back.

Keep flying and soaring-

Rob

Robert D. Rutherford, Ph.D.
RGI-NO to GO Programs
1195 Fairfield Drive
Boulder, CO 80305
Tel: (303) 494-9444
roobd@aol.com
Rob.D.Rutherford@gmail.comwww.no-to-go.com
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/robrutherford

The NO to GO The Successful Negotiator program presented by Dr. Rutherford, is the nations longest standing professional development and negotiation program offered at any major university or institution of higher learning (California Institute of Technology) developed and presented by the same instructor.

From W3W3 Internet Talk Radio’s Website: We’re here with a dear friend, that we have done a lot of business with over the years, Dr. Robert Rutherford and we are focused on the NO-to-GO. If you have a question about negotiating, Rob is the guy to go to. He’s also a prolific author and Larry suggests you check out his books for answers. Rob tells us he is amazed at the bad rap negotiating has. Most people have an incomplete, inaccurate view of what negotiating is and what it is not. It’s not, ‘get the last slam dunk… get the last penny out of the person. It is not ‘get all you can off the table’ kind of thing. Negotiating is an effort to gain an initial agreement that otherwise couldn’t be done. There are many things that are negotiable and many things that are not. Rob said, “Personally, I think most things are negotiable and my own personal opinion is, they’re not worth negotiating. It’s not worth the time, it’s not worth the effort, no it’s just not worth it. But those things that are worth negotiating – there are special things that should be done in the effort to get the right kind of agreement. Larry asked, “What are some of the most common mistakes made when people think they’re negotiating?” Rob replied, “I think one of the most common mistakes made is, ‘I don’t have to tell the other person what I want, I’m going to hold everything in, I’m going to be secretive…. Let me ask, how in the world are we going to get a win/win, initial agreement if I don’t tell you what I want out of the deal? It just totally mystifies me. That’s a major mistake. I think another major mistake made in negotiating is seeing the other person as the enemy. Now in some cases it may be. But, what in the heck are you doing negotiating with them to begin with, if they’re the enemy? Unless you really have to. Larry asked, “Let’s say I have an appointment with an organization and I want to work out a deal. What are some things I should do in preparation?” Rob said, “Well I have a business card, I’m glad you asked. On this business card it has three different categories 1.) Preparing for Negotiation and then it goes through the steps like, Know the purpose; Understand issues thoroughly…. The 2nd part of that is the actual negotiating itself ‘in the arena’. You should seek a win-win, mutual gain for an example. Expect to win, manage expectations, not only your own but the other party… After the negotiation. It’s amazing to me, there are some people that are really good at negotiating but they’re not good at keeping the deal…Listen for more…

Have you ever been stuck while dealing with another person?

Being stuck can be likened to an iceberg- The tip of the iceberg represents the stated stuck position.  But it is what is “below” the position that makes it stuck.

We are commemorating the 100 year of the sinking of the Titanic.The Titanic was not sunk by the tip of the iceberg- It was what was lurking below the surface that destroyed the ship.

What is lurking below your and the other persons position might  sink your ability to gain agreement.

Last week I was in Santa Barbara on real estate business. Many years ago when I was a young real estate broker in Santa Barbara I was trying  to sell an investment property that the owner, a Mr. Vickers, who was desperate to sell. The building was worth in the range $475,000 but Mr. Vickers insisted that he would not sell for one penny less than $600,000- Clearly way out of line with its market value.

Strangely to me Mr. Vickers  agreed that the building was only worth $475,000 yet he would not take anything less than $600,000. When asked why he insisted on  $600,000.he remarked- “Thank you for asking Rob, because that is what I paid for the property some five years ago-and if I sold it for anything less than $600,.000 my wife and family would think me a fool and a loser to have paid so much for the property originally.”

Yes he was stuck at $600,000 due to fear of being ridiculed. In three weeks we sold the property at $600,000 – yes with some creative owner carry back financing- at no interest and a large mortgage discount at the end of five years. He was happy to sell and the new buyers were happy to buy.

When you are stuck in dealing with someone go behind the position to find out what the real issues are and see if they can be solved.

Keep flying and soaring

Rob

To all you NO to GO Successful Negotiators:

November 11, 2011

These few concepts, when one truly cares enough to apply them, brings success and value to their work and lives.

When I was on the Caltech faculty my family lived in Pasadena, California, walking distance to campus. One summer day my two oldest sons, Ken and Eric, were playing football in the street outside. Watching from my home office window I could see they were about ready to come inside, no doubt to raid the refrigerator as growing teenage boys are known to do. I also noticed that my youngest son, Douglas, was sad because his older brothers, Ken and Eric had not invited him to play with them outside.

I turned to Douglas and said “Douglas, let’s hide behind the front room sofa and when Ken and Eric come in they won’t see us and then we will surprise them.” Douglas responded with wisdom far beyond his four years of age, “What if they don’t care?”

Yes- of course- What if they don’t care- and they didn’t –as they rushed past us to converge on the refrigerator and its contents inside.

Never make a concession, while negotiating, without making it conditional on getting something back in return. Work towards a mutual gain for all parties.

BOON- (Best Option Outside Negotiation)

Before entering a negotiation, be sure you have a well-thought-out BOON.

Boon is the best course of action away from the table. Do you have a bankable action? Nothing beats a good backup.

Influence and Authority

If the other party has influence but no authority to make a concession- work to give them enough “Bragging Rights” to convince the authority to give  you what you asked for.  Before they present your offer to the decision maker(s)- be sure they  will recommend to their client that they accept your offer.

Checking in to check out.

Billy, a 10 year old 5th grader- checking in to check out with Mrs. Anderson- to be sure she was satisfied with his gardening work- How many of us check in to check out how well we are doing with your customers, your spouses, loved ones? Don’t assume- check in to check out.

DO “Hollywood “ your concessions.

Never underestimate the power of packaging your concession.
Keep flying and soaring, no wobbling.

Rob